So this is life?

It's now the day before my birthday. My 64th birthday. How did that happen? As anyone who has followed me for some time knows, this is a birthday that almost wasn't. I died in June of 2024 and was brought back to life. Now I've researched other peoples' near death experiences and I've heard many stories about how someone's NDE changed their life in wonderful and miraculous ways. How people have found their true calling and purpose, have found happiness and fulfillment in wonderous ways and are so incredibly grateful for their NDE experience. That's not me.

Yes, most of the time I'm happy to be here. I have wonderful friends. I have an amazing daughter and two incredible grandsons. There is so much I am grateful for. Yet, other than now having to deal with an overwhelming amount of medical bills my life has not substantially changed at all. To be honest, those bills have brought on a fair amount of depression as I make the choice to either go grocery shopping or pay medical expenses that should have been covered by insurance but weren't. So, my life right this second is sort of a double-edged sword. Yes, I'm mostly happy, but wow there are those times I really wonder why I came back at all.

Someone told me yesterday that I didn't undergo that whole "finding your purpose in life" thing after my NDE because, well, I've pretty much always known what my purpose is. I've spent my entire life trying to be kind, supportive of others, caring to those who need caring for. Long ago I lost count of the number of people I helped find their own purpose. Never have I set out intentionally to do any of that, it's just who I am and have always been. I won't go down the "animals I have rescued and loved" path right now because that's just a given for me. If you know, you know.

So as I look forward I realize I have been dragging a lot of the past with me. I'm setting it all down now. Sometimes it really does serve us to carry a bit of the past with us, sort of an along for the ride thing, but there does some a time when those lessons have been learned and it's time to set the baggage down. As an empath I've finally realized I'm not doing anyone a disservice by not continuing to carry their own bags along with mine. Personally, I already feel lighter.